Throw your kale chips in the air like you just don’t care.

This post is all about making old-school cuisine just like our moms used to make — a turn of events that will free up your busy day, lighten the grocery budget, and completely freak out your children.

(This is my idea of a good time on Day 14 of my 31 Days of Fun/Funny Stuff for Families).

I ran across the most darling and disturbing cookbook, circa 1956, put out by the National Dairy Council — presumably because they wanted to promote good wholesome cooking with America’s finest dairy products.

If you know anything about cookbooks of the ’50s and ’60s, you know the sun rises and sets on one thing:  cottage cheese. Usually on an iceberg lettuce leaf. Maybe with a maraschino cherry or canned pineapple ring on top, if you wanted to act rich.

With all of our modern-mom emphasis on sneaking broccoli puree into lasagne, roasting kale and calling it “chips,” and sending hummus and red peppers in a bento box to school, I say let’s throw these 21st century kids for a LOOP.

Let’s greet the brood after soccer practice with a warm bowl of vitamin-packed soup like our moms used to do. From a can.

(Again, THIS WAS IN A COOKBOOK.)

Would you just LOOK at the detailed instructions for heating up canned soup? There’s even a variation in case you dig on Green Pea instead. (Which essentially boils down to opening a different can.)

But there’s MILK. So yeah, it’s pretty delish and nutrish.

Or if you dig on triglycerides, how ’bout the haute hot dog cuisine of sliced dogs doused in cheese? This heaven on a plate is also known in ’50s parlance as Saturday’s Dream.

If you really want to shake things up, how about greeting your kids with an afternoon snack of PRUNE WHIP?

Can you even imagine? Seriously. YOUR CHILDREN WOULD DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS.

It’s amazing what terrors, I mean – WONDERS, you can create with a little mayo, instant pudding, and condensed soup.

Oh sure, our kids may recoil at these foodstuffs of the 1950s, but here’s one thing for ’em: they sure do whip up quick.

This easy-breezy, totally non-nutritional approach to the kitchen frees up lots of extra time for chain smoking and playing canasta with the other wives on the cul-de-sac.

So what’s the grossest concoction of the Harvest Gold-hued kitchen era that your mom made you eat? Do tell.

And oh please, DO serve it to your kids. It builds character. And probably clogged arteries.

But there’s plenty of kale for that later.