I wish we could get double portions of December and just skip January altogether.
After the jovial over-indulgence of December (“Eat! Who ever heard of a skinny Santa??”), here comes that blasted harpy January–with all its cranky resolutions and its Weight Watchers commercials and its relentless reminders of reality.
Every year, January just comes at us like an icy blast of water to the face, and quite frankly, I don’t care for it.
January is a drill sergeant flipping on the lights in the middle of a perfect dream about going sleigh riding through Devonshire with Colin Firth and screaming, “Drop and give me twenty!” (which I haven’t done since last January.)
January is a sneering busybody slapping my hand with the snickerdoodle in it.
January is a big fat boring killjoy taskmaster who’s weirdly obsessed with everybody’s weight. And on top of all those endearing qualities, January is cold. (Usually.)
I am not a fan.
Sure, December struggles with being a bit too frenetic and trying a little too hard, but somehow we can let that stuff go because December’s just so darn charming.
I mean, think of all those twinkly lights and the crackling fires and the cheerful songs. Oh yeah, and the copious amounts of cookies.
It’s like one minute we’re basking in all the treasures under the tree, watching Danny Kaye tap dance across our TV, and trying to remember what it felt like to be hungry.
The next minute, a cold shriveled finger is wagging in our faces, browbeating us on how we’re gonna right this ship and get our crap together and eat a salad already?
I know I should have made some New Year’s Resolutions, but I just wasn’t in the mood for January’s theatrics this year.
(Oh, here’s a resolution. I really should get my watch battery changed so I can stop wearing my daughter’s Minnie Mouse watch. Or not. I honestly don’t care.)
But that’s it.
January, you are not the boss of me. I’m ready to skip right on to February. There may be only 28 days, but at least they’re crammed with hearts and flowers and rows and rows of candy I can buy for myself.
I’m so ready to run headlong into the loving arms–and candy aisles–of February. Because February loves me.
Its conversation hearts told me so.
Actually they said “TXT ME” and “U Go Girl.” But you get the idea. There’s definitely something there.
And seriously, I’ll take “#LOVE” any day over another Jenny Craig commercial.